One of the most basic ways that pet parents and dogs connect is through touch. We love the sensation of petting our dogs, and it’s clear that most of them adore it, too. After all, when we stop, we usually get a paw-swat and a “More, please!” expression.
But, it might come as a shock to discover that some dogs don’t like petting. It doesn’t matter if it’s a soft stroke or a deep-tissue massage—these touch-aversive dogs prefer to skip cuddly physical contact.
Living with a hands-off dog can be a difficult because we all want to show our dogs how much we love them. In many cases, when our dogs move to the other side of the couch when we sit down, we tend to wonder, “Does my dog love me?” and “Does my dog know I love him?”
Well rest assured, your dog isn’t abnormal if she’s not a stereotypically cuddly dog; she’s just a dog that has other ways of showing that she loves you. And the good news is that a few lifestyle tweaks can help your dog learn to appreciate pats and cuddles and maybe even ask for them!
Let’s be honest – there’s nothing quite like snuggling up with your furry friend after a long day. But what if your pup isn’t exactly the cuddly type? Maybe you’ve been dreaming of those Instagram-worthy couch cuddles but your dog has other ideas.
Don’t worry! I’ve been there, and I’ve got some good news most dogs can learn to enjoy cuddle time with a little patience and the right approach
In this article, I’ll share 12 proven strategies to help transform your standoffish pooch into a cuddling companion. And if your dog still prefers their personal space? That’s totally okay too – I’ll explain why some dogs just aren’t big on physical affection (and why that doesn’t mean they love you any less).
Why Some Dogs Don’t Like to Cuddle
Before we dive into the how-to part, it’s important to understand why your dog might not be naturally inclined to cuddle. There are several reasons:
- Previous negative experiences: If your dog has been mishandled or experienced physical discipline in the past, they might be wary of human touch.
- Pain or discomfort: Undiagnosed injuries or joint issues could make physical contact uncomfortable.
- Insufficient socialization: Dogs who weren’t properly socialized as puppies might be uncomfortable with close physical contact.
- Breed characteristics: Some breeds like Shiba Inus and livestock guardian dogs are naturally more independent and aloof.
- Individual personality: Just like people, some dogs simply prefer their personal space!
- Wrong petting technique: You might be petting them in a way they find annoying rather than pleasant.
12 Effective Ways to Encourage Your Dog to Cuddle
1. Build Trust First
This is the foundation of everything! Your dog needs to trust you completely before they’ll feel comfortable being vulnerable during cuddle time.
How to build trust:
- Provide for their basic needs consistently
- Never use physical punishment
- Be predictable in your interactions
- Give them space when they need it
Remember, trust takes time. For rescue dogs especially, this process might take months or even longer.
2. Respect Their Boundaries
One of the biggest mistakes I see dog owners make is forcing physical affection. This almost always backfires!
If your dog struggles when you try to hold them, let them go immediately. Forcing them to stay will only create negative associations with cuddling.
“Keeping cuddle sessions short in general is a good idea, especially for dogs who are fearful or anxious about physical contact,” advises Dr. Nita Vasudevan Patel, DVM.
3. Learn to Read Their Body Language
Dogs communicate primarily through body language, so you need to become fluent in “dog” to know when they’re comfortable or stressed.
Signs your dog is relaxed and enjoying contact:
- Soft eyes
- Floppy ears
- Loose shoulders
- Wagging tail (in circles or to the right)
- Leaning into your touch
Signs your dog is uncomfortable:
- Yawning
- Lip licking
- Leaning away
- Whale eye (showing whites of eyes)
- Tucked tail
- Raised hackles
- Looking away
4. Find Their “Sweet Spots”
Most dogs have preferred petting spots. Instead of going straight for a full-body cuddle, start by gently petting these areas:
- Chin and chest
- Sides of the body
- Base of the tail
- Front part of their ears (not the top of the head, which can be intimidating)
Avoid sensitive areas like paws, muzzle, and belly until your dog clearly shows they’re comfortable with being touched.
5. Choose the Right Moment
Timing is everything! The best times to initiate cuddle sessions are:
- After a good exercise session when they’re tired
- In the evening after dinner when everyone’s relaxed
- During quiet, calm times in the household
Avoid trying to cuddle when your dog is:
- Playing with toys
- Eating or chewing on something
- Overly excited or stimulated
- Sleeping deeply
6. Make Yourself Inviting
Instead of pursuing your dog for cuddles, try making yourself appealing so they come to you:
- Sit or lie down calmly on the floor or couch
- Avoid staring directly at your dog (which can be intimidating)
- Act relaxed and engrossed in something else
- Wait patiently for them to approach you
Many dog owners are suprised when their previously distant dog suddenly decides to curl up next to them when using this approach!
7. Use Positive Reinforcement
This is one of the most effective methods for teaching any behavior, including cuddling:
- When your dog comes near you voluntarily, reward them with treats and praise
- Gradually extend the time they need to stay near you to earn the reward
- Add gentle petting while they’re getting treats
- Slowly reduce the treats until praise alone is enough
“Treats are a great way to reward your dog for showing interest in cuddling with you,” explains Dr. Patel. “Over time, they’ll learn that interacting with you always leads to something good happening.”
8. Speak Soothingly
Dogs are incredibly sensitive to our tone of voice. Speaking in a soft, soothing voice (sometimes called “dog talk” or “baby talk”) can help your dog feel safe and loved.
Research shows that dogs actually prefer people who speak to them in this gentle, higher-pitched manner – they’re more likely to approach and spend time with them!
9. Gradually Increase Physical Contact
Start small and build up gradually:
- Begin with brief, gentle touches to non-sensitive areas
- If they seem comfortable, slowly extend the duration
- Try new petting areas one at a time
- Work up to sitting close together
- Eventually progress to actual cuddling
Remember to watch their body language throughout this process. If they show signs of stress, take a step back.
10. Spend Quality Time Together (Beyond Cuddles)
Building a strong bond goes beyond physical affection. Spending quality time together in other ways can make your dog more receptive to cuddles:
- Daily walks and exercise
- Training sessions
- Play time
- Grooming (if they enjoy it)
These activities help your dog associate you with positive experiences, making them more likely to seek closeness.
11. Provide Plenty of “Alone Time” Too
This might seem counterintuitive, but dogs need their space sometimes. Respect their need for alone time, and they’ll be more likely to seek you out for affection when they’re in the mood.
Make sure your dog has:
- A comfortable bed or crate that’s all theirs
- Time to explore and do their own thing
- Quiet periods throughout the day
12. Be Patient!
This might be the most important tip of all. Some dogs take weeks or months to become comfortable with cuddling. Others may never be super cuddly – and that’s okay!
“It could take weeks, months, or even years for some dogs to warm up and be certified cuddlers,” notes Olivia Johnson from Dogs and Clogs. “Continue showing love to your pooch, and you’ll see that they’ll give it back in time.”
Remember: It’s Not Personal!
If your dog isn’t the cuddly type, please don’t take it personally. As Victoria Schade explains on PetMD, “The fact is that even with remedial training, there’s a chance that your dog will never appreciate snuggling up. That doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with your dog or that she loves you any less.”
Dogs show their love in many ways beyond physical affection:
- The excited greeting when you come home
- Following you from room to room
- Bringing you their toys
- Checking in with you visually throughout the day
- Protecting you
Final Thoughts
Getting your dog to cuddle with you is all about patience, respect, and understanding. By following these tips and respecting your dog’s individual personality, you can increase the chances of enjoying some quality snuggle time together.
But remember – a dog who doesn’t cuddle isn’t showing you any less love. They’re just expressing it in their own unique way!
Have you tried any of these strategies with your dog? Did they work? I’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments below!
Try a Pet Test and Pay Attention to Your Dog’s Reaction
Once you’ve refrained from petting for about a week, try a “pet test,” which is a great way to gauge how any dog, petting-averse or not, is feeling about physical contact in that moment. Give your dog a few gentle rubs on his chest or shoulders for about three seconds, then stop and watch your dog’s reaction.
If she wants more, she’ll probably move in closer to you, lean up against you or paw at you. If your dog is still feeling hands-off, she won’t ask for more and will likely just stand there when you stop, or even move away.
If your dog signals that she’d like you to continue, try another brief petting session; the key to success is keeping these initial sessions short. Your dog’s acceptance of touch doesn’t mean she’s ready for a prolonged full-body massage.
Watch your dog’s reactions as you touch her, and try to finish petting before she asks you to stop. Continue to offer your dog brief pats, always paying attention to what she’s telling you as you connect with her.
You can vary where you try petting your dog, the type of touch you give her and the duration, as these aspects can all impact her enjoyment of the process.
What Causes a No-Cuddle Dog?
It’s easy to assume that every dog enjoys petting, but there are a number of reasons why a dog might not appreciate cuddling, including:
- Previous abuse: The sad fact is that an anti-cuddling dog could have been mishandled in the past. Dogs that have been treated roughly, spanked or physically disciplined due to outdated training techniques might end up being terrified of what human hands are capable of.
- Pain: Dogs with undiagnosed pain or injuries are likely to be wary of touch. Older dogs dealing with joint issues, athletic dogs coping with strains or sprains, and even puppies going through a growth spurt might avoid petting because it aggravates the pain. A veterinarian can help you determine if your dog is dealing with pain.
- Wrong technique or body part: Occasionally, petting-aversion could be due to operator error. A small dog might not enjoy rough rubbing on her head and ears, while a bigger dog might find fluttery pats annoying. Similarly, some dogs don’t enjoy having their rear end scratched but are totally fine with shoulder massages instead.
- Born this way: It’s probably hard to believe that a dog can dislike petting for no other reason than that he just doesn’t enjoy it. Much like some people don’t want hugs, there are dogs that don’t appreciate up-close-and-personal touching.
12 Scientific Ways To Get Your Dog To Love You The Most
FAQ
Why is my dog not cuddling with me?
How do I get my dog to be more affectionate towards me?
- Spend Quality Time Together: Engage in activities your dog enjoys, such as walking, playing fetch, or simply sitting together.
- Positive Reinforcement: Reward your dog with treats, praise, or petting when they show affection.
- Create a Comfortable Environment: Ensure your
How to get a dog to cuddle with you?
What breed of dog does not like to cuddle?
While dogs are known for getting and giving affection, some breeds such as Bloodhounds, Chow Chows and Afghan Hounds prefer to have their own space.